Democrats Confident of Winning 2020 Election on Anti-Trump, Pro-War Platform

The U.S. Democratic Party is confident they can win the 2020 Presidential elections on their strength of their anti-Trump, pro-war platform.

We are the opposition party to Donald Trump, you see,” stated House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “If you hate Trump and want to vote him out of office, then you have to vote for us. That is our unique selling point. People aren’t going to vote for the Green Party or something.”

The House Democrats still continue to support Trump’s defense strategy, having agreed to the administration’s massive defense budget increases last year during the same week that it voted in favor of an impeachment resolution against him.

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By Gary Riggs — Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0,

The House Democrats also re-authorized the PATRIOT Act even though its powers can be exercised by President Trump, who they assert is abusing his executive authority.

“The PATRIOT Act is essential to our American way of life,” stated Speaker Pelosi. “So we must support the PATRIOT Act even if that control falls into the hands of Donald Trump, who is somehow still President. It’s better to have Trump controlling the domestic spying apparatus than having no domestic spying apparatus at all!”

Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg supports a strong military budget: “We don’t like Trump. But when I was doing my Rhodes Scholarship, and then doing intelligence work overseas that I’m not allowed to talk about, we were taught that the Anglo/American Empire should be armed to the teeth against all possible comers, even if the President is an idiot.”

Democrats have been especially outraged by President Trump’s meddling in foreign policy. Senator Elizabeth Warren said: “U.S. foreign policy is decided by professional experts in the Departments of State and Defense, so as a Presidential candidate, I don’t see a big role for myself in shaping foreign policy. Trump was interfering with the longstanding bureaucratic policies within the Departments of State and Defense and that was a serious problem with UkraineGate,” concluded Warren. “What does the President have to do with official foreign policy? Who does he think he is?”

In addition to their antipathy toward Trump, other leading Democrats continued to sounds alarms about Russia, who they still see as a threat to world peace. Joe Biden said: “I think we can all agree that the US should continue to put as much pressure as possible on Russia until either Putin falls from power, Russia attacks us somewhere, or maybe they nuke us. Then we will have them.”

Democrats sounded confident of beating Trump even without offering any positive social program.

Mike Bloomberg boasted: “We know we can win without any positive program for the America people at all. The people promising such a program will not win. And even if they did they would not keep their promises. They will vote for me because I am also a New York billionaire like Trump.”

Bernie Sanders admitted: “I understand if many of our constituents don’t believe that we will be able to keep all of our promises of free education and health care. We don’t believe it either. But it sounds good. And we mean well.”

Tulsi Gabbard was unavailable for comment for this article.

Editor of The Satirist ( America’s Most Critical Journal; satirist, critic, standup in Amsterdam

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