Disney’s “The Gnostic Gospels” Manages to Offend Everyone

Dan Geddes
6 min readMar 2, 2024
Bartolomeo di Tommaso, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

Disney’s “The Gnostic Gospels” Manages to Offend Everyone

Review by Dan Geddes

Cast

Jesus — Joaquin Phoenix
Mary Magdalene — Jennifer Lopez
Peter — Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Judas — Brad Pitt
John — Chris Rock
Pontius Pilate — Adam Driver
“Doubting” Thomas — William H. Macy
James, brother of Jesus — J.K. Simmons
Leper — Kevin Smith

Written and directed by Kevin Smith

Disney’s box office woes continue as their new release, Disney’s The Gnostic Gospels — an R-rated musical rendition of Jesus’ time with the disciplesis bombing at the box office. Disney’s latest cinematic production has miraculously threaded the needle (in a bad way) and somehow managed to outrage conservatives and liberals alike.

Disney’s The Gnostic Gospels depicts a Jesus closer to Jesus Christ Superstar! than to The Greatest Story Ever Told. In The Gnostic Gospels, Jesus, the disciples, and Mary Magdalene are often shown sitting around a campfire, listening to Jesus tell cryptic parables.

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Dan Geddes

Editor of The Satirist (thesatirist.com) America’s Most Critical Journal; satirist, critic, standup in Amsterdam