Dutch Propose Dutch as Official EU Language after Brexit

AMSTERDAM — Jan Smit, 44, Member of the European Parliament (MEP), proposed yesterday that Dutch should become the new official language of the EU after Brexit finally takes place next year.

“It can’t be German,” said Smit, “for semi-obvious historical reasons. The French can pretend that others are willing to learn French, but most people are not. The French are just too annoying when they correct you, even when they do it in English. And everybody hates the French. You know it; I know it.”

“The Dutch on the other hand are kind and sensitive teachers, and show infinite patience and sensitivity when people from other countries attempt to speak Dutch. This is well known.”

Smit was unconvinced by arguments that the EU should just keep using English.

“Some say keep English, because Ireland is still in the EU. But the Irish are nearly incomprehensible as it is. Only the Scots are less comprehensible. Imagine if the Irish became the linguistic standard-bearers of Europe, the EU would descend into linguistic anarchy! We can’t let that happen!”

Smit’s proposal offered the following arguments:

• “The Benelux countries (Belgium, the Netherlands, and Luxembourg) are three of the founding six members of the European Union (along with France, Germany and Italy).”
• “Several of the major institutions of the European Union are located in The Hague and Brussels.”