The new i interest rate (√−1 ) represents a new all-time low for U.S. prime rates.
WASHINGTON — The Federal Reserve bank today lowered the prime lending rank to i percent.
Federal Reserve spokesperson Freely de Baise stated: “As any child who has studied pre-algebra knows, i is the imaginary number, the square root of negative one.”
The new i interest rate (√−1 ) represents a new all-time low for U.S. prime rates. Negative interest rates (where banks charge interest on savings accounts, and may pay interest on loans) have become a more common phenomenon in recent years, especially in Scandinavian countries.
“An interest rate of i actually makes sense in this era of ultra-low interest rates and massive quantitative easing,” according to Mr. de Baise.
“Negative interest rates are already a difficult concept for many people to understand. So is quantitative easing. So we are not surprised by the confusion surrounding the new prime interest rate of i.”
This new i rate has made some economists irate.
Randolph Bland, a senior economist at the Raynd Institute, stated: “Economists have always thought it was axiomatic that interest rates were non-imaginary numbers, and usually positive!”
“We’re not sure if the Fed is clear as to whether the new interest rate is i or is it -i? And what is the difference in mortgage payments over 30 years assuming an interest rate of i versus -i?”
“Using i for an interest rate should be impossible. It’s like saying that the interest rate is X/0. You can’t divide by 0. And you can’t take the square root of a negative number and make it the basis of the credit system. You just can’t. The Fed is asking for big trouble: mass confusion, hyperinflation, and a lot of broken calculations. This is going to be as bad as Y2K.”
Republicans are trying to capitalize on backlash on the Fed’s decision. Rush Limbaugh has already called this “i Rate Gate” and blamed Democrats for their “fuzzy math.”
But the Fed and Mr. de Baise are confident that nothing is awry.
“The i rate works just fine on the interest calculator on my iPhone. It may not work on Android phones, but all of us at the Fed use iPhones, so we determined to about going ahead with the i rate.”
“People are always resistant to change. I’m sure they will get used to it over time t, where t approaches 0,” concluded Mr. de Baise. “You can’t ask for any more than that.”
Leaders of other major economies announced that for purposes of transparency and competitiveness they would soon have to follow suit and also lower their interest rates to i.
First published at The Satirist